he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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