The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
