Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
