Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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