my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
