I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
