We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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