I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
