mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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