dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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