I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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