Swine flu is the new snow day.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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