But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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