i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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