THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
