i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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