apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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