I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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