You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
