Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize