think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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