Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
