I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize