i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
