In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
