Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
