I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
