Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
