I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.