i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars