You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.