Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
