Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
