lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
