1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
