I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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