Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
