It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
