I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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