Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
