one might say we're banned from that church
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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