I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
