i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
