Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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