You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
