Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
