farters have to be the big spoon...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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