Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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