do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize