Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
