I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
