I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
