if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
