Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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