Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize