DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They took my balls.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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