By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
