The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
