I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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