3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
