i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
