Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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