So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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