at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
