maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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