you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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