I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
