My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
